Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I just wanted my eyes checked

Since I’ve become too old to be on my parents’ insurance, I’m forced to go to places like Pearle Vision and D.O.C. for my eye care needs. On the recommendation of my labmate, I started to go to a D.O.C. This guy is the strangest eye doctor I’ve ever been to. I’m thinking he might be bipolar, for starters. At one visit he may be very chatty, and during another he can be short and almost disagreeable.

He always looks like he just walked out of wedding party with his collarless button-down shirts (with the hidden buttons!), sometimes paired with a vest (and not just some knit vest, but one that looks like it’s part of a tux). Half the time I expect to see him with a cummerbund.

He keeps a portrait of his bride displayed prominently on his counter. No, this isn’t odd quite in and of itself. What’s odd is that it’s not angled for his viewing, but for the patient’s viewing. It’s as if he’s saying “I am married to this beautiful woman. Don’t believe me? Look, I just came from the wedding. I’m still wearing parts of my suit.” Makes me wonder if he gets hit on a lot by his patients or something. Whatever. I can honestly say I’ve never been tempted.

Add to that the fact that he’s always trying to sell me something, usually some new and improved contact lens. I take the free trial pair of lenses and try them for the week to two that he recommends. I’m instructed to make another appointment if I like them (if!), so that he can see them in my eye. Invariably, I don’t like them, so I don’t call. The next time I have an appointment he asks about the trial lenses and then doesn’t believe me when I tell him I didn’t like the way they felt, or how they fit. Why would I lie about that? If they really were better, I’d be buying them in bulk. No questions asked. I survive by my contacts. I’m sorry, but the lenses you’re shelling aren’t to my liking. Try again. He was really disappointed to discover that my vision is too bad for Lasix eye surgery, but I got the canned sales pitch about it anyway.

I can’t wait until I can get a job with real health insurance.


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