Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Lab interview: So that you might understand us better

Lil’ Kate: Let’s start with the basics. Why science?
L: I ask myself that question every day.
Aunt Chen: I’m a glutton for punishment, I guess.
Labmate: Because it is the only field where I can perform monkey head transplants at the taxpayers expense.

Lil’ Kate: Why this lab?
L: I was TRICKED!!!
Aunt Chen: Just lucky!
Labmate: The devil made me do it.

Lil’ Kate: What gets you excited?
L: Planning lab sabotage – thawing freezers, burning notebooks…
Aunt Chen: I don’t remember.
Labmate: Hot sex, like on or near an open flame. Pain is a turn on, hee hee hee!

Lil’ Kate: Favorite science term?
L: There’s nothing funny about science.
Aunt Chen: “Controls” – who does that?!
Labmate: It’s a toss up between “atypical cleavage” and “doublesexxx”

Lil’ Kate: Favorite boss quote?
L: “I don’t want to smell your mommy parts.”
Aunt Chen: “It’s OK, I can fix that with Photoshop.”
Labmate: “If we don’t work, people die.”

Lil’ Kate: OK. Let’s find out just how much of a science nerd you are. Are you often blinded by the sun?
L: Like a mole coming out of its burrow!
Aunt Chen: Only once, when I married my hubby. Hey, it’s the only explanation I’ve got!
Labmate: In Cleveland, all the damn time.

Lil’ Kate: Have you ever conducted a science experiment at home?
L: My boyfriend may think so because stuff in the fridge likes to grow and dinner isn’t always that great.
Aunt Chen: I have 3 kids. It is an ongoing experiment and it’s not looking good.
Labmate: I’m not allowed to talk about “The Incident.”

Lil’ Kate: Have you ever dressed up for Halloween in a science-related costume?
L: Of course! As president of the Chem Club I had the teased hair, lab coat, the whole 9 yards.
Aunt Chen: Only once, and none of the morons who saw it understood it.
Labmate: Yes, but it’s always coated in lots of blood… real blood.

Lil’ Kate: Do you find bowling to be an aerobic workout?
L: No, but I’m always sore the next day…. Oh wait, maybe that’s from the biker I picked up…
Aunt Chen: Only with enough alcohol – but after all, should bowling ever be done without it? No way!
Labmate: No, but I know some that do.

Lil’ Kate: Now I’d like to delve into your emotional state. Do you want to kill yourself?
L: Surprisingly, no.
Aunt Chen: Never, it would make too many people very happy.
Labmate: Ever? Or just when I’m here?

Lil’ Kate: Do you want to kill someone else?
L: Kill them myself? No. Have them DIE in some awful manner? Why yes.
Aunt Chen: Oh my… so many people, so little time.
Labmate: Yes, it’s hard to suppress the evil thoughts (she says while putting the knife down).

Lil’ Kate: Why do you hate me?
L: Hate is such a strong word….
Aunt Chen: You’re just lucky, I guess.
Labmate: I only hate you when you steal my tweezers.

Lil’ Kate: Favorite stress relieving time-waster?
L: Bad VH1 TV. “Flavor of Love” anyone??
Aunt Chen: Doing my job – “Lindsey experiments.”
Labmate: Losing myself in your eyes.


Blogger Chris B. said...

Well run interview, scientist, even if it's heavy on yes-no questions...

You may have a fallback career working 11 hour days at a tiny weekly newspaper somewhere in frozen Minnesota.

9:04 AM  
Blogger squareaj said...

why do you need me to validate your existence? I thought your comments were right on and I do think most of you are insane. i have been quite busy recently and i guess maybe, gulp, i am growing up a bit and I actually filter some of the things i think about. who would've guessed?

6:15 AM  
Blogger Lil Kate said...

Square AJ, Aunt Chen would like me to pass on her opinion that "Filters are overrated."

As for you growing up - I'll believe it when I see it. And we do need to see more of you. Especially since my days are numbered.

6:27 AM  

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