I have a sense of humor, but I also have my limits, Part I

In college I was blessed with two amazing roommates. We were all fast friends from the start, and now I consider them as close as family. We are all rather different, and not surprisingly, have chosen very different paths in life, which have us far-flung across the country. Roommate M was my roommate during orientation, so really, my very first official roommate ever. Roommate K lived a couple doors down freshman year, but I spent more time in her room than my own, so we started out more as “pseudo-roommates” than anything else. Through college we all lived together in one iteration or another. Sophomore year K and I lived together while M was our RA. Junior year and senior year all 3 of us lived together in suites. We still refer to each other as “roommate” and probably always will.

OK, enough back-story.

This past weekend M got married. She’s been living out in CA for the past few years, so that’s where the wedding was held. Also, she and her beau (A) decided to plan their wedding in 7 months. From what I’ve heard, this is an almost impossible feat – what with people planning 1-2 years in advance and all. From what she was telling me, her options where somewhat limited.

But they made arrangements to have an outdoor ceremony and reception at a bed and breakfast in Half Moon Bay, CA. It would be beautiful (the weather is always nice) and it would be convenient (we wedding guests could all stay at the bed and breakfast or any number of other b & b’s or hotels in town). Now, being a bit rustic in theme, the place didn’t have bathrooms in every room, and those that did have a bathroom, didn’t have a shower. There was one communal shower, otherwise you took a bath in your room. No TV’s. F and I thought this was great. We’ve been camping, we can handle this. In February we made our reservation for the “safari” room (animal print bed linens and bathroom). Rawr.

Sometime in March the owners of this b & b sold to some new owners. New owners who know absolutely nothing about running said b & b. New owners who subsequently fired the entire staff and hired friends & family members. Things went downhill from there.

About a week before departing for Half Moon Bay, F and I were starting to think about what we should pack (shut-up, this is what we do) and he was wondering whether or not to bring his work laptop. He called the b & b to ask if they had wireless internet, or phone jacks in the room so he could dial up. The conversation went something like this…

F: Hi, I was wondering if you have wireless internet at the b & b.

Dimwit: Gee, I don’t know.

F: You don’t know?

D: I don’t know. Um, I see people with computers.

F: OK… that doesn’t answer my question.

D: Well, the computers are open… and on! – the people are using them…

F: Right, well, that still doesn’t answer my question. Let me ask you if there are phones in the rooms.

D. I don’t know that, either.

F: You don’t know if there are phones in the rooms?

D: No, I don’t.

F: Would there be a phone jack somewhere I could use?

D: Golly, I wouldn’t know that, either.

F: Do you even work there?

D: Of course I do! This b & b has an early 1900’s theme, so we try to keep it that way, very old fashioned.

F: Then I’m going to assume there are no phone jacks outside of the one you’re currently using.

D: Um… yeah, I guess so.

F: So, if there are no phone jacks, that would mean there are no phones in the rooms, are there.

D: Oh yeah, I guess that’d be right.

I talked to M a day or two later to relate this sad, sad state of affairs. She informed me that they had had much worse interactions, needing to call almost every day to make sure that plans were written down and being followed through. It got to the point of several screaming matches and the venue was almost changed 2 weeks prior to the wedding due to employee incompetency.

To be continued…